2023 NFL Week 14 Power Rankings

The NFL is driven by narratives. We think it’s wins and losses, and sometimes ties for some reason, and yeah those things are important. Except the ties. Ties are meaningless.

But without the story, without the games within the games, the NFL is just car racing without the crashes. You want drama? Literally half the league is between 5-7 and 7-5. The parity is real.

In week 13, we saw young teams ascend, veteran teams slip, lots of flaring tempers, multiple global superstars at a Packers game, and… let’s just all pretend the Pats and Chargers didn’t happen.

And by the way, I’ve quipped before that this is a Swiftie-friendly zone, and it absolutely is. I actually lost Facebook followers last week for telling them to get over Taylor Swift being talked about at a football game.

And I’m bringing this up for one simple reason: if you seriously can’t withstand 30 total seconds of a pop star on the screen during a football game, then there’s no way you’re reading to the end of one of my articles. I require attention span in my realm, so if you don’t have at least enough to suffer through seeing a talented woman on your TV screen, just leave. I am very busy.

As always, may all your teams win or your coaches have a big ol’ bodyguard to protect them.

1. Baltimore Ravens (9-3)

Am I the only person who doesn’t have the Niners on top? If I’m being honest, I think we’re very close to 1A and 1B territory here.

I realize “they look the best right now” is a valid power rankings methodology and it might make many lean towards SF, but that also carries a hint of “what have you done for me lately” to a Ravens team coming off a bye.

After winning 6 of their last 7 heading into their bye week, they’re now hitting the final stretch with fresh legs and without lingering injuries. Their gameday injury report is looking like it could be a quarter the size of their last one before week 12. Unfortunately, that’s partially because Mark Andrews is on IR now and won’t be listed, but Isaiah Likely and Charlie Kolar are still a formidable pair of TEs.

2. San Francisco 49ers (9-3)

Yeah, they look incredible. No one denies that. And not only does Brock Purdy look fantastic, he’s playing like the game and the playbook are expanding. That’s one of the most important steps in a young QB’s development… when everything clicks and they start seeing concepts they never saw before.

I’ll be talking about this some more when we get to the Bengals, but I think teams are going to start looking much more closely at actual college (and even high school) production from QBs.

Brock Purdy was a 3-year starter in high school and a 4-year starter in college. And those are all full or almost full seasons. There’s just no substitute for that amount of reps and production.

If you’re wondering about the comparison, Trey Lance started most of 1 season in high school, and the same in college.

I don’t say that to knock down Lance, and I still think he can be successful in the right spot. But in the 7 years leading up to their draft day, Brock Purdy threw 2,294 game passes. Trey Lance threw 415. Muscle memory developed through repetition is everything in a Shanahan-style timing offense.

3. Philadelphia Eagles (10-2)

They really took one on the chin. There’s no other way to put it. The Niners have had this game circled and it showed. I expect a much more competitive game if they meet again in the playoffs.

I’m not sure what the offensive plan was going into this game, but it can’t possibly ever again be 9 carries from running backs. And sure, you might say they had to throw cause it was a blowout, but it wasn’t a blowout until the 4th quarter.

Philly allowed this game to become a blowout by abandoning what has been their biggest offensive ace card all year.

4. Miami Dolphins (9-3)

With a beatdown of the Football Team, Miami jumps into the 1 seed in the AFC. De’Von Achane and Raheem Mostert might be the best 1-2 punch out of any backfield in the league, which is crazy cause Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle are one of the best 1-2 punches from out wide.

There are definitely still concerns on defense with Jaelen Phillips done, but they get the Titans and Jets up next to work out any kinks before finishing the year with a Cowboys-Ravens-Bills gauntlet.

Tyreek Hill Receiving Yards Pace Watch: 1,975 through 16 games, 2098 through 17 games

5. Dallas Cowboys (9-3)

The Cowboys have put up 40 points in 4 of their last 6 games since their bye. They’re actually averaging 39 points a game in that span. That’s absurd. You think Mike McCarthy took advantage of every last second of time during that bye week?

Their remaining schedule is pretty brutal, but taking at least 3 out of the last 5 should be plenty. That is, unless home field is important to them, in which case this Sunday night against Philly is critical.

6. Kansas City Chiefs (8-4)

I didn’t think there would be a week this season where KC would fall out of the top 5, but here we are.

The inconsistency from the receivers is starting to get a little too consistent. I know the hope is that Rashee Rice will emerge as a star, but he’s not quite there yet. Kadarius Toney has barely had an impact since his disastrous week 1. Justin Watson seems invisible to Patrick Mahomes, and it’s unclear if that’s on Watson, Mahomes, or Andy Reid’s playcalling. Skyy Moore has been a major disappointment. Marquez Valdes-Scantling is reverting back to why the Packers let him walk in the first place.

I’ve heard speculation that Travis Kelce is hurt and that’s why his production is down, but I think he’s just surrounded by so much mediocrity that other teams aren’t taking seriously.

7. Detroit Lions (9-3)

Right now, at this moment, I don’t think the Lions could beat any of the 6 teams ahead of them.

However, don’t be so foolish to count them out yet. Save for a few instances, most teams go through waves during a season. Detroit started hot, then hit a rough patch. The key now is to recover before playoff time. They all but have a spot locked up, so it’s just a matter of getting some momentum going over the last 2 or 3 games.

Losing Alim McNeill for the next 4 weeks will hurt, but that also means he’ll be well-rested for the playoffs.

8. Houston Texans (7-5)

I’m legitimately running out of compliments for what the Texans have accomplished this year. We’ve seen so much from the offense already, and now the defense is playing with pride. They have this perfect mixture of youth and experience, and everyone is buying what DeMeco Ryans is selling.

The only blip coming out of last week was losing Tank Dell for the season with a fractured fibula. The connection he had with C.J. Stroud was something special, and I can’t wait to watch them continue to grow together next year.

9. Jacksonville Jaguars (8-4)

It would be easy to say Jacksonville would’ve won if Trevor Lawrence didn’t get hurt, but that’s not fair to the Bengals and the way they carved up the Jags defense. Someone besides Josh Allen Defense Version needs to deliver some pressure.

It sounds as though Lawrence will be back this year, if not this week, though that seems doubtful. In the meantime, C.J. Beathard has been around a while and should be able to give them enough to get by the Jets and possibly Titans.

Josh Allen Sack Watch: 13.5

10. Indianapolis Colts (7-5)

It’s funny hearing people say Gardner Minshew II gets looked over because he doesn’t have an elite arm. You don’t need an elite arm to throw a deep ball. More often than not, the elite arms are responsible for overthrowing the deep ball.

Did you see the dime he dropped to Alec Pierce in a clutch moment? That was some Minshew Magic™️. Shane Steichen has these guys believing. Since I wrote my midseason award prediction article, at which time Steichen was sitting at +6000, he’s dropped to 4th on the betting list at +700.

You really have to consider schedule strength when looking at things like that. At the time, the Colts were 4-5 and about to face the Pats, Bucs, and Titans. Now at 7-5, they have the Bengals without Burrow, the Steelers potentially without Pickett, then the Falcons and Raiders with whoever they throw out there.

The next time they play a team anywhere in my top 15 is against the Texans to close out the season. 10-7 should be their lowest expectation. 11-6 is extremely possible.

11. Denver Broncos (6-6)

Here’s where I’ll say something extremely unlike me because I’m here to speak the truth, not cornhole myself into a take I don’t believe in just to fit some kind of brand.

Russell Wilson, it’s not your fault.

No, for real. Forget the stat line that shows him throwing 3 picks in the 2nd half. Instead, go watch those picks. First was tipped by Will Anderson Jr., second was an incredible play by Derek Stingley Jr., and the last was obviously a desperation attempt. He took a shot and hoped his guy would win, and his guy lost.

You know what, screw it, here it is, but you gotta click on it cause the NFL are jerks.

12. Green Bay Packers (6-6)

Did you know the Packers played the Chiefs last Sunday night and Taylor Swift and Simone Biles were both there to cheer on their boyfriend and husband, respectively. And as she always does, Simone won. But I’m sure Taylor will shake it off.

I know, I know. That was for me.

Before I forget, Jordan Love is pretty good. But we’re in anecdote mode right now.

Perhaps what you didn’t know is another star was hiding in attendance at that game. You may know him as Antonio Scarpacci from Wings, Adrian Monk from Monk, and/or Abe Weissman from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. And on that last one, you need to go watch the set of scenes where Abe takes communion. It is, start to finish, one of the greatest subplots I have ever seen in the history of television.

He is Tony Shalhoub, born in Green Bay and a graduate of UW-Green Bay.

So, who was your favorite star at Lambeau Field last Sunday night?

13. Seattle Seahawks (6-6)

There’s 6-6 moving up, and there’s 6-6 moving down. And then there’s 6-6 hovering. Lots of hovering in Seattle.

If Kenneth Walker III and Zach Charbonnet are on the field, Seattle could find another upward trend and sneak into the playoffs. It would help if the defense could step up. Maybe Jamal Adams could try stopping a touchdown instead of worrying about mocking the wife of a reporter who called him on it.

Also, and I’m not tryna be on any kind of white knighting bs or to pretend that looks are everything or whatever you think might cancel me. But at some point, you have to point out when an insult, like the one from Adams, just doesn’t make sense. The actual pic isn’t out there as much as it was, but I saw the original tweet. That woman was gorgeous.

Sit down, Jamal Adams, you straight up whiffed. Make the play and reporters won’t trash you.

14. Cleveland Browns (7-5)

So Joe Flacco looked pretty good. Jesus, did I really just say that? What year is this?

Browns still got crushed, so settle down with all this Flacco mania.

Myles Garrett Sack Watch: 13

15. Buffalo Bills (6-6)

I don’t remember the last time I was this anxious for a team to come out of a bye week.

There was 100% a moment over the past couple weeks where someone on this team gave a rousing speech, and their political future will depend on how the Bills come out of the bye week. I’m thinking Dawson Knox.

16. Atlanta Falcons (6-6)

Don’t tease me.

I’m not even kidding, they just need Desmond Ridder to not make mistakes. And yes, I’m fully aware I once said Ridder needs to unleash.

I was wrong. Limit mistakes and win enough that no one pays attention. At least, that seems to be Arthur Smith’s plan. To keep his job.

17. Los Angeles Rams (6-6)

Do. Not. Sleep. On. This. Team.

If they stay healthy, there are major pieces of a Super Bowl champion on the Rams, and yes, that has magical value.

They finally found a back they can trust, and Matthew Stafford has familiar and becoming more familiar options available to him.

If I had to pick a Super Bowl winner from the 6-6 crowd, it’s the Rams.

18. Cincinnati Bengals (6-6)

Okay, we got here. Remember what I said about Brock Purdy? Let’s talk about Jake Browning.

Between high school and college, Jake Browning threw 3,192 passes. That he fell back into a groove just a week after getting the gig shouldn’t be that big of a surprise.

Don’t for a second think the Bengals are done for the year.

19. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-5)

9-8. Calling my shot. Playoffs? Let’s see where the chips fall.

Matt Canada wasn’t the problem, you heathens.

T.J. Watt Sack Watch: 14

20. Minnesota Vikings (6-6)

Sure, the rocket scientist has a bad week and everyone turns on him. What’s new. Despite looking like the definition of downswing in that painful Monday night disaster against the Bears, Minnesota has a cushy enough schedule to find the playoffs. If they want.

Danielle Hunter Sack Watch: 13.5

21. Los Angeles Chargers (5-7)

Much as I don’t feel like the Bolts deserve any praise for a 6-0 trainwreck win against the worst team in the league, I do appreciate a shutout.

Shouldn’t save Brandon Staley’s job, but it will.

Khalil Mack Sack Watch: 15 (current leader, on pace for 21)

22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-7)

Baker Mayfield is gonna win this division and his next contract with the Vikings will be 9 figures. Book it.

23. New Orleans Saints (5-7)

Derek Carr needs to get out of his brain-crotch. That’s a Jameis Winston joke. It’s okay, again, some of these jokes are just for me.

24. Vegas Raiders (5-7)

Raiders have a line of opponents that are all (besides the Chiefs) at the same crossroads as them.

Good team to check back with in a few weeks.

25. Tennessee Titans (4-8)

Will Levis is the future of this team. And that buys Mike Vrabel at least another year.

26. Washington Commanders (4-9)

The Commanders should sue the league for a week 14 bye. Are you kidding me? All byes should happen before the trade deadline.

I’m ready to work this out. Week 11 trade deadline and all bye weeks are done. This is ridiculous. I’m sure Ron Rivera agrees.

27. New York Jets (4-8)

Zach Wilson has been named the starter for the rest of the year!

I need to set this scene, because I’m afraid some of you might be seeing this as if they’re giving Zach a chance.

Oh no. They f’ed up bad. Pushing Zach out for Tim Boyle or Trevor Siemian or whoever was an emotional, fan-driven decision that a coach and front office should never make. Grow some stones, you cowards.

Here’s the scene: Robert Saleh is on his knees in front of Zach Wilson, begging him to save his job.

And now I want Zach to light it up for the last 5 weeks, then throw up all the middle fingers on the way out.

28. Arizona Cardinals (3-10)

I bet Kyler Murray will love having a high pick to get him some weapons. Or replacements. God I love this league.

29. Chicago Bears (4-8)

Justin Fields and Drake Maye, picture it. Feel it. Embrace it. Or fire Ryan Poles for missing the opportunity of a lifetime.

30. New York Giants (4-8)

I’ve never before so badly wanted a team to rise from 30. Tommy DeVito is fun, and Jalin Hyatt is being utilized. Another week of production from the latter, and I’ll have an awesome, drama-filled fantasy football story about him.

31. Carolina Panthers (1-11)

If I could pick a team to be permanently stuck at 30 or lower, it would be a team owned by David Tepper. I sincerely hope this man doesn’t ruin Bryce Young.

32. New England Patriots (2-10)

I have an equal percentage of hope for literally every Patriots outcome. Every one is a story. Belichick gets fired, Belichick quits, he retires, he goes to another team, he’s traded to another team, Jerod Mayo takes over, they hire Jim Harbaugh, Robert Kraft sells the team to Brady, who then fires Belichick and replaces him with Julian Edelman. Make all these things happen.